Seeing our past mistakes (the ex)

You ever have the urge to see your ex again? Well, I got drunk the other night and I'm not talking about a couple of sips, I'm leaning more towards 12 beers, 6 shots deep without eating dinner on a Saturday night. AND no, I'm not a pussy and can drink a lot more than that on a normal Saturday night but like I said, I was missing a key component, FOOD.  Well, I was fucking shit faced and getting real weird at my friend's bar (grabbing random girls hair, etc.) when I had a bright idea to fucking text my ex-gf. Fucking bitch! Jesus, I've spent the last 3 years trying to fucking forget about her and that goddam emo side of me came out. I felt like a pro football player coming out of the closet, all awkward and shit. Well, the damage was done. I texted her an L bomb and that I wanted to grab dinner with her after the law school semester was over. She fucking texted me back all this shit about how she had told me that we should've done this a long time ago, that's she's been trying to get back into my life, all this cuntish shit. The worst part is my phone died mid-convo.... so, I woke up the next day and got all these angry texts/VMs that it was all BS and she hated me for being a drunk asshole that hasn't changed.

A weird feeling came over me and I actually texted her back the next morning and committed to grabbing dinner. FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK!!!!!! What the hell was I thinking, honestly.... I've been getting real emo these days with chicks after my casting interview for a new Bravo TV matching making show for young, New Yorkers. Yes, people of blogspot and religious readers of this amazing blog, I maybe on a reality tv show soon. I'm actually their top candidate and debating whether or not this gorgeous face (obviously, born to be on Bravo TV) should make an appearance. Come on now, I need to think about my career first. Well, during the interview they kept grilling me on my past relationships and why they didn't work, describe it in detail, and what I thought I did wrong.... Jesus people, that fucked me so badly. I haven't thought about my ex-gfs in forever. I've been getting enough pussy to feed a family of 5. Why the hell would I think about them?

Well, I started talking about them and what happened in our situation. Then everything started snowballing after that incident. FUCKKKKKK!!!!! I started messaging my ex-gfs to see what they were up to and 

got some sick messages back. "You're a fucking asshole, you don't call or text me and then you're nice all of a sudden" "Douchebag, go to hell" My favorite just a "Fuck you!" and that was it. Short and sweet.... Jesus, I'm turning into a pussy. 

The reason why I blogged about this sitch is to ask the Q, why do we have this urge to see our past mistakes again? I do say mistake because it obviously didn't work out for a reason and you made a mistake of picking them as one to be in a relationship. Damn it, I'm like all over the place now. I can't think straight because I know I fucked up and shouldn't have opened Pandora's box. But, really, I don't understand why we have this natural reaction to see them again? Do we want to prove something? Do we want to show off? Do we hope they're a mess and we made the right decision? I keep pondering these Qs and can't figure out a right solution. I originally thought it would be a harmless meeting where we could catch up and see how are lives are doing. But, for some reason I know it maybe a horrible idea. When you have a bad break up, it's not like people change and you meet up again and everything is suddenly fine. Fuuccckkk dude, I don't know what to do. Anyone give me some advice?